Liljumper’s Adventures

I know the concept of internet or social media superstars. People that get famous for their pictures, their tweets. It’s interesting how their image is created, because you never know how ‘real’ what you see is.

Are they really that effortlessly beautiful? Because if it’s one thing I’ve learned is that almost nothing is always as it seems on first glance (especially in regards to the internet/social media/advertising). It is always about creating an image, a look, a polished product that people can ‘like’ and ‘share’. It’s all about the creation process. The creation of the perfect pose, the perfect filter, the perfect editing, and then the publishing of the photo.

Just exactly the right amount of wit, class, sophistication, beauty, and effortlessness.

But, you can use social media for good and for fun. It doesn’t always have to be a huge deal, but I do believe it should make you happy. If it makes someone happy to do all this, to do the creation, then do it. But it’s important, as a consumer of images, to take things with a grain of salt. Be a conscious consumer, person. Know what you like and be able to distill your thoughts about your identity.

The way that advertisements work is so toxic. They create a hole in people that they conveniently can fill.

They say, “don’t you want that perfect thigh gap?” (which is a gap of space between the tops of your thighs when you look at yourself in the mirror) and this creates a hole in people that they didn’t even know existed. Because who knew what a thigh gap was before it was constructed. So they create this empty space in us by telling us about it, this new break through or something they think we need. And then that’s how they justify it to us, that we need their product to make us “better parents”, “people who care about their health/healthy people”. Because we ‘need’ makeup to make ourselves look professional, to cover our under eye circles (because they’re constructed to be seen as ugly). And in they swoop with the perfect product to fill this gaping and new hole they just dug.

To make you be the perfect woman, parent, person, etc just buy this product! Whatever it is whether it be our super healthy smoothies, the new makeup, or the next innovation. They make us feel both bad about ourselves and relatively guilty for not ‘trying’ to be healthy.

And it’s really no wonder people have self-esteem issues and what not now a days, or feel insecure about their identity and image. Jeez.

Digital Detox. It’s been on my mind and it is something I want to try. A digital detox is when you don’t use the internet or devices or anything digital for a certain amount of time.

I have done this for some times in other settings, but I want to challenge myself to do this at home.

On my goal list is to do a day long digital detox. I want to challenge myself to remember what it was like before devices and the internet.

To walk in the park without a phone, read a book without my phone going off.

I know it’ll be a challenge because we use and rely too much on our devices, but I want to take it. Mostly because I think I can handle it, and because I know I can grow from it.

My plan is to do one Sunday, and once it’s done, I will let you all know how it is.

It’ll be a challenge. Of the things I could do: read, walk outside, clean up the kitchen, go through my clothes, and a lot of things. I could even go outside and do something cultural! Or enjoy a meal without devices.

Maybe I should make a list.

But it’s a good idea to think of how much more productive and culturally open.

I welcome the challenge.

Can you imagine what would happen if everything that we dreamed happened?

Things would be crazy, I mean you’ve heard some of my dreams. But it would also be scary. You could have a daydream about taking revenge on someone, and then bam! It would happen.

Or you could imagine having a child, and then bam! Have a child.

It also gives us a lot more power, but what would we do with that power?

It’s just a mini thought experiment I suppose.

Imagine all your weirdest dreams being true. But then again all the consequences of having that power at your fingertips…

Dun, dun, dun.

 

I saw another movie the other day where there was one character who believe, maybe naively, in people. They believed in people who were lying about who they were, what they were doing, etc. Everyone saw this character as naive and foolish. They thought he was being foolish, believing people, seeing the best in people. They tried to make him ‘see the world’ as it is.

But what I realized is how refreshing it must be to believe people, to believe beyond doubt that people were telling the truth. And what’s more, is that it’s harder.

It is easy to disbelieve, to be a cynic, to say something can’t work. It is hard to believe in something, someone, to take people for their world, to trust them. By trusting the world, you leave yourself vulnerable (which is basically what happens to him the whole movie, he gets taken advantage of).

And that’s a scary risk, a risk that we must take if we are to trust.

For most of the movie I felt similarly to his family, ‘why is he being so naive’ ‘when will he wake up?’. But then I thought, well isn’t this how it is supposed to be?

Aren’t we all supposed to trust, love openly, leave our hearts open and ready? Isn’t it supposed to be alright that we are vulnerable?

It’s pain, hurt, betrayal that teaches us not to trust.

But I feel that we are supposed to be able to, to be able to be vulnerable, to be able to trust and love.

So what I’m saying, is maybe take a lesson from him.

Trust more, be more vulnerable, open yourself up to people, let them in. It may go wrong, you may get hurt, but it also may go right, and you may increase your faith in humanity.

I have a problem with taking things personally. I know I do. But it is hard for me to say, ‘Don’t listen to them’. I do listen to them and it hurts.

Do I care too much what people say about me? Maybe I do.

But going along the lines with my last post, those days are over (or trying to be).

Something I did wrong, that could have offended someone, woudl haunt me for days. A comment someone said would bother me (and I can name some that have).

I care about my image, not necessarily in a physical sense, but in a sense that I take my time to make sure I like how I look when I leave, how I am prepared in class, if I am on time, etc. My overall image.

When people perceive my work as something else, like vanity, it makes me sad. I just like to be prepared and put together. So if I spend time to make sure I am and people critique that or what not, it tends to upset me.

Nevermind what happens if you question something I think I know or feel. Then just forget about it, things will be personal for me. (Although I am working on this a lot and trying to remain calm, and objective, but let’s be real…)

So I am trying, striving, to care less about what people, especially those who are not close to me, think about me or what I do.

It has been both hard and easy. It is almost freeing to think, this is me and I don’t care what other people say. It takes a head strong will to close out the things and the whispers. But it is only when I have a bad day or my inner voice starts to speak, that it becomes hard. Because to not care what people think takes confidence.

But, as one very beautiful singing woman said, ‘I have confidence in confidence alone, besides what you see I have confidence in me’.

So I need to channel my inner Maria, singing through the hills and all.

I have talked already about this subject somewhat. I have always taken great, and probably too much, self worth from my grades. To me, they were my measure if I was doing well.

As an adult I can realize how bad that is. A number or a letter that defines someone’s confidence and worth. Yet that was, and more than I would like it, is today.

Grades and school have been things I have been good at for my life. I spent a lot of time on them, probably too much than I should have, in order to strive for ‘perfection’, which was foolhardy. Nevertheless, it was something that was important to me. Too much so.

It wasn’t that I was proud of my grades, my grades became me.

A subtle, but huge difference. Being thrown here in this new and totally different learning environment has brought me to my knees in this respect. My idea of a good grade, has gone up in flames comparatively to others here. The learning culture is much different, and for a fish who liked the sea, the land has been suffocating if not deadly.

But as creatures do, I have been trying to evolve. Trying to tell myself, as my teacher in high school did, that this is a learning experience. And to separate who I am from what I do.

We treat teachers with a sense of authority and expect them to be objective, but that is not the case. But underneath they are just a person. And we need to be careful of who we listen to. Just because a teacher has one opinion of you, does not mean that is the only opinion of you, or even accurate. What do they know of you? Perhaps they merely do not understand you.

I have always taken what teachers said to the highest importance, to the extent that it was a part of my self esteem. But this ‘learning experience’ has taught me that these figures of authority, or however you want to call it, are just people.

I do not want to end this entry with a ‘You do you’ or ‘Don’t listen to what people say’, so I will end it with this.

You do you. Do not let people who shake you to your core, make you question everything, rattle you. Keep doing what you love with the fervor that passion demands.

And do not listen to certain people. You will get good advice, bad advice, and just critique with no advice. Choose who you listen to, not every person’s advice is helpful, and not everyone is an expert (and if they are, that still doesn’t mean you listen to them without an individual thought in your head). People will gain your respect and trust, listen to them. Listen to the people who bother to help you, support you, and listen to you. Value the people who value you and give them your time. But know, even then, that it is okay to go against something when you need to. Because the person who you should value most is you, how you feel about yourself. To follow your dreams.

I feel it is important to be right. To know what you are saying, to feel conviction and accuracy. To have facts, proof, and evidence. To be able to defend yourself and say ‘I am right’. There is something good about it, something no one can take away if you have the evidence, the hard facts.

But I have learned, that part of being in a relationship is not to rely on being right.

Sometimes you will be right, and it won’t matter. Being right is not the most important thing, nor should it be.

Being happy, making sure someone knows they are loved, treasured, and a team.

These are the important things. And being right is not a necessary on that list.

There is one of those moments where you can stand up on your high horse and say ‘No, this is right, I am right!’ and you will be standing up there alone. Because someone who values rightness over personal relationships, validity, evidence, and being able to be on that platform will not have good interpersonal relationships.

Being right is not all there is. We are taught to have our evidence, state our argument, but sometimes that isn’t enough for real life.

There will be situations where the other person, even if you don’t agree, even if there is not a lot of evidence, needs to be right. I am not saying it is like lying, not at all. But there is a difference between being right and doing the right thing.

It is a pretty complex thing, and something I just thought of the other day with a move I saw. The one partner had focused on being right, doing the correct thing, and trying to shape their relationship towards that. It was important that they were doing the right thing (not allowing people to cut in line, etc), but they realized that it wasn’t everything and it only brought them into unhappiness because no one was left to stand with them.

So while this is not necessarily a well formed concept, I do count it as a break through and potential for change.

Hi everyone, sorry for the lack of posts yesterday, but there was a problem with the server when I was trying to log in. It’s been resolved now, but now I am a bit behind, so just let me have a day to get back on my feet and I will have a new post up for tomorrow and one that I will post soon as an apology from yesterday!

 

I am so unmotivated to do work. I think it’s because I don’t really enjoy most of my work now, so it’s easy to push it away. There is no sense of anticipation or enjoy joy once it is completed. It’s easy to push things back and focus on the things that make me happy.

But I have to have a reality check and come back to the things that I have to do, regardless or fun or motivation. So I’ve spent a lot of my day working on that, which is why this blog post is not the one I have wanted to write.

So that one will be posted Wednesday!

Also when I sit down to write blogs, it just reminds me of the other work I haven’t done, so it’s not quite truly a relief. It’s getting there, slowly.

And I will find a pace soon.