Month: October 2017

These are all snippets from me. Bite size blog pieces that are just thoughts I’ve been having. I hope you don’t mind they aren’t as long anymore. I’ll write a longer one, or a series in the future, about the way I’ve realized I’ve changed. Here’s a little preview.

I’ve been noticing, as I walk into the professional sphere, how much of my behavior moves away from myself. For example, when I get a compliment to downplay it or move it to the team. I don’t puff myself up and I think it’s very much a gendered thing. We aren’t supposed to be vain, we’re supposed to be team players and celebrate the collective. Unlike other people who just let fame and praise go to their head.

So last weekend, yesterday, was our real anniversary. Although nothing really feels real. Why yesterday not today. It’s a day thing, but the actual time difference doesn’t feel that way. Dates are so arbitrary that it just feels like one long stretch between the Sept date and yesterday like our anniversary. One long day. and that’s how it was last year too so I guess there’s a reason for that.

Anyway, just a FYI that it was. I’ve been thinking of everyone and all that happened with fondness this whole month. It took a lot of work and time and effort from the heart. I haven’t given my thanks yet in the ways I wanted to, but it’s my new goal. So I’ll get my act together. Slowly.

I think everyone handles sadness differently. For me, I work. I mean I work a lot, I’m a work-aholic anyway, but it’s how I’ve gotten through a lot of things – moving, sadness, depression. So I just work and don’t talk about it. And for me, that’s okay. It’s not that I don’t think about it, I just don’t feel the need to talk about it. I like working and it makes me feel productive. I know it’s not healthy to only do that, and I don’t. I spend time with my family too. But it’s not only a defense mechanism, but also something I do.

I didn’t want people to think I have a heart of stone/ice

Last month we saw the anniversary of our US celebrations. This was especially surreal for me because I spent the whole day not only separated from that other ball and chain, but also out at a Book festival. At the same time, it made the distance a bit more manageable, but it just felt very surreal.

The time has flown by so quickly and it all feels like one whirlwind. And maybe that’s because it was. Since my getting married, I did a three month intensive internship, then went to the US for a month, then came back and went on a honeymoon, then did a remote location job, then fiercely hunted for jobs, and am now here. In that time period, my blog has blossomed into a time sucking machine. During this time I spent over three months, almost four, reading a book a day. I did this in March then in the month before the honeymoon, and I don’t even remember which month that was, and then almost two months in July and August.

So yeah it has been surreal and the time has flown by because I’ve been extremely busy and lots of things in my life has changed. I now have a part time job that is also unpaid and the blog which is almost full time and definitely not paid, except with books.

So in many ways I feel like I blinked and am now here. In a way that makes me feel like just yesterday I kind of got married and did that whole thing.

On another note, I want to thank each and every one of you reading, and all who came to the celebrations. While it does feel like just yesterday, it was truly a dream come true. The best kind of dream and I know it wouldn’t have been the same without all of you.