Month: November 2016

I have been making meditation a habit. Every night I do about 20 minutes, at least, of meditation. It has been helping me sleep and I’ve yet to incorporate it into my daily life without the set aside time, but I hope to.

One metaphor I really loved the other day was: meditation is like watching cars pass you by. You see thoughts pass, but you let them pass you by, you don’t try to stop it or hold on to them, or chase them.

That metaphor has really helped me. Another one I’ve done is started to count my inhales and exhales, but only up to 10. There is a nice rhythm and then you begin again.

Also being mindful of the feeling of breathing is good too.

I’ve made it a steady habit and I want to continue. I was on some trial memberships, but I’m considering subscribing for a month. I don’t like to subscribe for things, because it’s hard to use them every month. But this has been really good for me and helping my anxiety, so I feel like it’s worth it. Also the whole month I’ve been testing out different apps to see which I like better.

I have Headspace and Wildflowers as well as Buddhist Meditation Trainer.

Of my least favorite is the meditation trainer, but it’s free. It’s just a quote and some bell sounds for 3 min of meditation. I will keep it because that’s what I’ve been ending my meditation practice with.

I am debating between Headspace and Wildflowers. Both are guided, which I need.

Headspace has cute animations and encourages mindfullness in everyday activities. They also have a wealth of sessions on emotional states and what not.

Wildflowers has ambient music but it is also, or can be, tailored to your mood. You can fill out some feelings you have and they suggest meditations to you. I listened to one last night on the birth of stars. They also vary in length from 3-20 minutes or more.

Headspace you can lock your phone, but Wildflowers disables this, so the phone must be lit up the whole time. So there are a few technical things about each.

Ultimately, I still don’t know which I want best, but I’m hoping at the end of my trial subscription to Headspace I’ll know more about which I like, or will use more.

Have you tried either? Do you know of another?

I read this article over a year ago and I knew I wanted to write a blog post about it, but never got around to it. Now that I’m trying to actively clear my inbox I came across this email, to myself, and decided to finally write about it.

I encourage you to watch the video and then come back to this post. The video is so powerful to me because perhaps it voices a lot of fears and doubts we all have about ourselves. We think we aren’t good enough, successful enough, or whatever, the list goes on forever. We rate ourselves so low because we are so critical of ourselves and unable to see the good, only the negative. Yet the people around us, maybe our loved ones, maybe our colleagues, anyone besides ourselves rate us so much better. They see the positive, they feel the good things we do, they don’t see our ghosts or shadows of doubts, only our actions and words. They are not biased by our misgivings, instead appreciating what we are.

Sometimes it takes someone else, other than yourself, to show you the real truth of your worth, yourself. If you rated the people in your life, I can almost guarantee you that you would rate them higher than they would rate themselves.

So this video is almost like a call to action – for you to act. It is a call to ask you to look at yourself with alien eyes, to take a moment away from your own mind and acknowledge your good, to love yourself like you love others. It is a challenge to see past your doubts and your insecurity and try, for a moment, to look at yourself like your mother, your daughter, your husband, your wife, your father, your friend.

To give us the space to be, to exist, to find our great qualities and our happiness. To cut ourselves some slack and find a sense of good.

We had thanksgiving dinner yesterday and it was so nice to just catch up with people and eat some good food. For me, thanksgiving is an excuse to have people over and cook traditional feast foods! I normally have a potluck once per month, so what is different?

Thanksgiving has a beautiful theme to it. There’s a lovely thread connecting us all in this atmosphere of thankfullness and gratitude.

People can feel obligated to come, but it more than that gives them an excuse to come. Sometimes people can be flaky, so this is a kick in the butt to that.

I like having days of just the ‘traditional basics’ for thanksgiving. I’ve developed a love for Cranberry sauce and I can always eat mashed potatoes.

It’s a great way to share memories with people, and dishes too!

I feel different on thanksgiving, more patient with the world, and just in general grateful for my presence in it.

What did you do on thanksgiving?

I just wanted to say a quick hello and check in about you all are doing!
I just started an internship/minijob so I have been so busy this week doing work all day and then coming home to do work on my blogs and to improve my German, oh and to eat.

It’s been a ride, so I just wanted to come here and write a quick post to say hello and wish you well!

My ideal day is as follows:

Wake up and then play my two brain games

Work out with some pilates and then cool off with yoga

Take a shower, wash my face, and have breakfast

Check my instagram and emails

Begin to do work until lunch time

After lunch take a 20-30 minute walk with my audiobook

Do Duolingo before doing more work until it’s time to make dinner

Then after dinner it’s play time and snapchat and some meditation time!

Going to be in bed around 10 and reading for a bit before sleeping

 

So I’m going to make the commitment next week to have a week of my ‘ideal days’ with modifications of errands and what not (which fall into the ‘work’ category) and let you know how I feel. I anticipate feeling good, but who knows!

What’s your ideal day like?

 

I saw a Youtube video where a woman made a list of all her flaws and them ’embraced’ them. I was inspired for her to not only be so courageous to share her insecurities, but to also embrace and love them.

I love my stretch marks because it is a constant reminder that I have grown as a person inside and out.

I love my chubby cheeks because they remind me of a hamster.

I love my hooded eyes because it allows me to play with makeup everyday.

I love my need for lists because it will be so neat to look back on what I did everyday and my goals when I’m done.

I can’t think of anymore now, but when I do, I’ll be sure to write a part two.

I hope that this inspires you to embrace your ‘flaws’ the things you don’t like about yourself. I hope it inspires you to see them, know them, and then to embrace and accept them.

I know that grades aren’t everything, but it’s more about being disappointed in myself and my own goals. I think I am an extremely self-motivated person and so it’s disappointing when factors which aren’t really in my control force me to not achieve my goals.

Because of feedback, I’ve chosen to reframe my experience.

It was never a goal of mine to make friends, and yet plenty of wonderful friends I made and friendships I’ve created. I’ve not only made friends for myself, but also created a circle of friends for others, I’ve gotten them together every month at least and fostered relationships for others.

I began to have the time to pursue my own passion, which was book reviewing.

I was able to grow as a human being and spend time here with my partner. Which I guess was the original goal anyways, things just got in the way and other goals popped up.

So taking these newer, more personal goals to heart, I achieved everything I could have ever wanted and more. Grades are just a number and it’s not only a reflection on me, but also the environment and the school. I am more than a student and the qualities that are good about me is not only my ability to have a certain grade. There’s kindness, friendship, caring, and generosity.

If I stand on principle and never reframe my point of view, I am the only one who gets hurt and who feels wronged.

I hate waiting. I don’t like to be kept waiting or to wait too long. I mean there are reasons and exceptions and special people, so this is by no means a rule.

I guess I just don’t want to regret waiting. I don’t want to regret waiting for someone, something, anything. Because in the end the only one who will take your priorities and feelings seriously, or first, is you. You have to be your own advocate, your own best supporter. If you continuously put off plans for someone else, how is that being your best advocate? Now there are times when you have to, this only becomes a problem when it’s a trend.

In my last relationship I waited for everything, for events to happen such as when someone would finally be faithful or be serious, or to go on dates, etc. It was all about waiting and putting the ‘us’ the relationship, first, even when it hurt me. And in the end that wasn’t the way to ensure the success of the relationship because it signaled to them I would always be there, ready, and waiting. It wasn’t respectful to me by me. It also wasn’t helping my relationship either, it was just putting the inevitable off, for about five years. Looking back there’s all sort of signals and signs that should have told me, this person will never wait for you. Because if you’re in a situation where you both wait, make joint decisions, that’s not a problem. It’s only a problem when it’s not equal and when it’s one person always waiting.

This waiting for someone to change is the worst. You have to be okay with the person always being the same because change can always be a possibility, it never should be a requirement.

So I guess my goal in life and always is never to be that person again. The person caught waiting on the sidelines for things to happen, for people. I want to respect my priorities and know when it’s best for me to move forward, to go somewhere, to do something. There’s always a balance, but it’s important to not get sucked into the ‘us’ and forget that you. While there’s a relationship, it is essential to be made of two people, not just one same thinking entity. A relationship functions as a bond between two people, two separate people who jointly form a bond. There should never be a total submission or merging into one. There can be ways for two people to move together, to jointly change, to sync, but they are always two people.

I recently saw Finding Dory on the plane ride back to Germany (recently? It was a whole month back…scary how time flies) and loved it! Seriously, I have already pre-ordered the DVD, Blu Ray and Digital copy so I can watch it whenever I like. I recommend you watch it, seriously, it made me cry multiple times.

Reasons why I loved it:

1. It spoke to me about my adoption. Dory has always not remembered her parents and has struggled to find a family, so her journey to find them is touching to say the least. Marlin and Nemo help her, yet they too become lost and Dory must believe in herself in order to find her family (Marlin and Nemo). Dory feels badly because she cannot remember, and does not see her own potential. I don’t want to give away the story or the twists, but it is a tearjerker for me.
2. It has a baby Dory fish and otters.

Actually I do want to talk about the end. I’ll put a “Read More” button below, so if you want to see the movie and not find out, don’t read further!!!!

Continue reading Finding Dory Movie

I decided to cut off in the middle. I decided to disregard everyone else and just do what was best for me, which was to start cutting gradually to make sure I was happy with it all.

To chop it all off just felt not like me and it felt not like the right choice for me. It felt like a hasty decision that I might come to regret and this way I could make varying decisions and not regret any of them.

I was able to make the decision that was right for me at the moment and be able to not regret it.