I hate waiting. I don’t like to be kept waiting or to wait too long. I mean there are reasons and exceptions and special people, so this is by no means a rule.
I guess I just don’t want to regret waiting. I don’t want to regret waiting for someone, something, anything. Because in the end the only one who will take your priorities and feelings seriously, or first, is you. You have to be your own advocate, your own best supporter. If you continuously put off plans for someone else, how is that being your best advocate? Now there are times when you have to, this only becomes a problem when it’s a trend.
In my last relationship I waited for everything, for events to happen such as when someone would finally be faithful or be serious, or to go on dates, etc. It was all about waiting and putting the ‘us’ the relationship, first, even when it hurt me. And in the end that wasn’t the way to ensure the success of the relationship because it signaled to them I would always be there, ready, and waiting. It wasn’t respectful to me by me. It also wasn’t helping my relationship either, it was just putting the inevitable off, for about five years. Looking back there’s all sort of signals and signs that should have told me, this person will never wait for you. Because if you’re in a situation where you both wait, make joint decisions, that’s not a problem. It’s only a problem when it’s not equal and when it’s one person always waiting.
This waiting for someone to change is the worst. You have to be okay with the person always being the same because change can always be a possibility, it never should be a requirement.
So I guess my goal in life and always is never to be that person again. The person caught waiting on the sidelines for things to happen, for people. I want to respect my priorities and know when it’s best for me to move forward, to go somewhere, to do something. There’s always a balance, but it’s important to not get sucked into the ‘us’ and forget that you. While there’s a relationship, it is essential to be made of two people, not just one same thinking entity. A relationship functions as a bond between two people, two separate people who jointly form a bond. There should never be a total submission or merging into one. There can be ways for two people to move together, to jointly change, to sync, but they are always two people.