I feel it is important to be right. To know what you are saying, to feel conviction and accuracy. To have facts, proof, and evidence. To be able to defend yourself and say ‘I am right’. There is something good about it, something no one can take away if you have the evidence, the hard facts.
But I have learned, that part of being in a relationship is not to rely on being right.
Sometimes you will be right, and it won’t matter. Being right is not the most important thing, nor should it be.
Being happy, making sure someone knows they are loved, treasured, and a team.
These are the important things. And being right is not a necessary on that list.
There is one of those moments where you can stand up on your high horse and say ‘No, this is right, I am right!’ and you will be standing up there alone. Because someone who values rightness over personal relationships, validity, evidence, and being able to be on that platform will not have good interpersonal relationships.
Being right is not all there is. We are taught to have our evidence, state our argument, but sometimes that isn’t enough for real life.
There will be situations where the other person, even if you don’t agree, even if there is not a lot of evidence, needs to be right. I am not saying it is like lying, not at all. But there is a difference between being right and doing the right thing.
It is a pretty complex thing, and something I just thought of the other day with a move I saw. The one partner had focused on being right, doing the correct thing, and trying to shape their relationship towards that. It was important that they were doing the right thing (not allowing people to cut in line, etc), but they realized that it wasn’t everything and it only brought them into unhappiness because no one was left to stand with them.
So while this is not necessarily a well formed concept, I do count it as a break through and potential for change.