I have talked already about this subject somewhat. I have always taken great, and probably too much, self worth from my grades. To me, they were my measure if I was doing well.
As an adult I can realize how bad that is. A number or a letter that defines someone’s confidence and worth. Yet that was, and more than I would like it, is today.
Grades and school have been things I have been good at for my life. I spent a lot of time on them, probably too much than I should have, in order to strive for ‘perfection’, which was foolhardy. Nevertheless, it was something that was important to me. Too much so.
It wasn’t that I was proud of my grades, my grades became me.
A subtle, but huge difference. Being thrown here in this new and totally different learning environment has brought me to my knees in this respect. My idea of a good grade, has gone up in flames comparatively to others here. The learning culture is much different, and for a fish who liked the sea, the land has been suffocating if not deadly.
But as creatures do, I have been trying to evolve. Trying to tell myself, as my teacher in high school did, that this is a learning experience. And to separate who I am from what I do.
We treat teachers with a sense of authority and expect them to be objective, but that is not the case. But underneath they are just a person. And we need to be careful of who we listen to. Just because a teacher has one opinion of you, does not mean that is the only opinion of you, or even accurate. What do they know of you? Perhaps they merely do not understand you.
I have always taken what teachers said to the highest importance, to the extent that it was a part of my self esteem. But this ‘learning experience’ has taught me that these figures of authority, or however you want to call it, are just people.
I do not want to end this entry with a ‘You do you’ or ‘Don’t listen to what people say’, so I will end it with this.
You do you. Do not let people who shake you to your core, make you question everything, rattle you. Keep doing what you love with the fervor that passion demands.
And do not listen to certain people. You will get good advice, bad advice, and just critique with no advice. Choose who you listen to, not every person’s advice is helpful, and not everyone is an expert (and if they are, that still doesn’t mean you listen to them without an individual thought in your head). People will gain your respect and trust, listen to them. Listen to the people who bother to help you, support you, and listen to you. Value the people who value you and give them your time. But know, even then, that it is okay to go against something when you need to. Because the person who you should value most is you, how you feel about yourself. To follow your dreams.