I think it is okay sometimes to realize that your dreams have changed
Opportunities come up you never dreamed and relationships form and it can be scary to let go of your dream
It can feel a little like betrayal, but it’s healthy and should be encouraged!
Our dreams change all the time, just look at what you wanted to be when you were a child
We need to be able to let our dreams grow and adapt and know when it is the right time to walk away from them
To let them go and find a new dream
I was having a lot of trouble with the job search, more so because I had no clue here to look.
I wasn’t sure if I look here or stateside. So much of my life is now up in the air that I do not know even where I’ll be next year. I have no clue and so it’s so difficult to figure out what to do.
The job search was bringing up all these sort of min existential crises. Where should I live? What is my future going to be? All of these questions in my head all the time.
How long will I live here? Can I be happy here? What does it take to be happy? Everything.
An opportunity came along where I could get an internship. So I took it. I thought why not. It would be a great learning experience and I am really excited about it.
So where does this leave me?
The answers to these questions are still blank. I don’t know if I’m any further to the solution than before, but now I have some time to think about what I want. I have some space and some breathing room. Some space and time to think about my answers and see what this opportunity holds for me.
I am really happy and looking forward to it!
I’ve started trying to imagine my anxiety like a little round ball that I smooth down or soothe. That was okay, but it wasn’t doing it for me, why would a ball smooth down?
So I started imagining it like a scared hedgehog that had rolled up into a ball and I had to pet it to calm it down and soothe it. With each deep breath I was helping my baby hedgehog friend. In my visualization sometimes it gets completely soothed, but in reality, only temporarily.
So you have to keep soothing the hedgehog.
I don’t know how useful this visualization is, or how it will help anyone. But it’s just something I thought I would share that is helping me cope with my anxiety.
It also makes it seem not so looming or scary. It’s just a hedgehog. It’s not a big black cloud, it’s not something that is like a fog (which both of these feel like), when I try to approach it, it is the scared animal.
I also don’t think it will ever go away, so I’m just trying to learn to manage it, to exercise it, to meditate with it, to make it a part of me that I can control and be with without fear and insecurity.
I have been making meditation a habit. Every night I do about 20 minutes, at least, of meditation. It has been helping me sleep and I’ve yet to incorporate it into my daily life without the set aside time, but I hope to.
One metaphor I really loved the other day was: meditation is like watching cars pass you by. You see thoughts pass, but you let them pass you by, you don’t try to stop it or hold on to them, or chase them.
That metaphor has really helped me. Another one I’ve done is started to count my inhales and exhales, but only up to 10. There is a nice rhythm and then you begin again.
Also being mindful of the feeling of breathing is good too.
I’ve made it a steady habit and I want to continue. I was on some trial memberships, but I’m considering subscribing for a month. I don’t like to subscribe for things, because it’s hard to use them every month. But this has been really good for me and helping my anxiety, so I feel like it’s worth it. Also the whole month I’ve been testing out different apps to see which I like better.
I have Headspace and Wildflowers as well as Buddhist Meditation Trainer.
Of my least favorite is the meditation trainer, but it’s free. It’s just a quote and some bell sounds for 3 min of meditation. I will keep it because that’s what I’ve been ending my meditation practice with.
I am debating between Headspace and Wildflowers. Both are guided, which I need.
Headspace has cute animations and encourages mindfullness in everyday activities. They also have a wealth of sessions on emotional states and what not.
Wildflowers has ambient music but it is also, or can be, tailored to your mood. You can fill out some feelings you have and they suggest meditations to you. I listened to one last night on the birth of stars. They also vary in length from 3-20 minutes or more.
Headspace you can lock your phone, but Wildflowers disables this, so the phone must be lit up the whole time. So there are a few technical things about each.
Ultimately, I still don’t know which I want best, but I’m hoping at the end of my trial subscription to Headspace I’ll know more about which I like, or will use more.
Have you tried either? Do you know of another?
I read this article over a year ago and I knew I wanted to write a blog post about it, but never got around to it. Now that I’m trying to actively clear my inbox I came across this email, to myself, and decided to finally write about it.
I encourage you to watch the video and then come back to this post. The video is so powerful to me because perhaps it voices a lot of fears and doubts we all have about ourselves. We think we aren’t good enough, successful enough, or whatever, the list goes on forever. We rate ourselves so low because we are so critical of ourselves and unable to see the good, only the negative. Yet the people around us, maybe our loved ones, maybe our colleagues, anyone besides ourselves rate us so much better. They see the positive, they feel the good things we do, they don’t see our ghosts or shadows of doubts, only our actions and words. They are not biased by our misgivings, instead appreciating what we are.
Sometimes it takes someone else, other than yourself, to show you the real truth of your worth, yourself. If you rated the people in your life, I can almost guarantee you that you would rate them higher than they would rate themselves.
So this video is almost like a call to action – for you to act. It is a call to ask you to look at yourself with alien eyes, to take a moment away from your own mind and acknowledge your good, to love yourself like you love others. It is a challenge to see past your doubts and your insecurity and try, for a moment, to look at yourself like your mother, your daughter, your husband, your wife, your father, your friend.
To give us the space to be, to exist, to find our great qualities and our happiness. To cut ourselves some slack and find a sense of good.
We had thanksgiving dinner yesterday and it was so nice to just catch up with people and eat some good food. For me, thanksgiving is an excuse to have people over and cook traditional feast foods! I normally have a potluck once per month, so what is different?
Thanksgiving has a beautiful theme to it. There’s a lovely thread connecting us all in this atmosphere of thankfullness and gratitude.
People can feel obligated to come, but it more than that gives them an excuse to come. Sometimes people can be flaky, so this is a kick in the butt to that.
I like having days of just the ‘traditional basics’ for thanksgiving. I’ve developed a love for Cranberry sauce and I can always eat mashed potatoes.
It’s a great way to share memories with people, and dishes too!
I feel different on thanksgiving, more patient with the world, and just in general grateful for my presence in it.
What did you do on thanksgiving?
I just wanted to say a quick hello and check in about you all are doing!
I just started an internship/minijob so I have been so busy this week doing work all day and then coming home to do work on my blogs and to improve my German, oh and to eat.
It’s been a ride, so I just wanted to come here and write a quick post to say hello and wish you well!
My ideal day is as follows:
Wake up and then play my two brain games
Work out with some pilates and then cool off with yoga
Take a shower, wash my face, and have breakfast
Check my instagram and emails
Begin to do work until lunch time
After lunch take a 20-30 minute walk with my audiobook
Do Duolingo before doing more work until it’s time to make dinner
Then after dinner it’s play time and snapchat and some meditation time!
Going to be in bed around 10 and reading for a bit before sleeping
So I’m going to make the commitment next week to have a week of my ‘ideal days’ with modifications of errands and what not (which fall into the ‘work’ category) and let you know how I feel. I anticipate feeling good, but who knows!
What’s your ideal day like?
I saw a Youtube video where a woman made a list of all her flaws and them ’embraced’ them. I was inspired for her to not only be so courageous to share her insecurities, but to also embrace and love them.
I love my stretch marks because it is a constant reminder that I have grown as a person inside and out.
I love my chubby cheeks because they remind me of a hamster.
I love my hooded eyes because it allows me to play with makeup everyday.
I love my need for lists because it will be so neat to look back on what I did everyday and my goals when I’m done.
I can’t think of anymore now, but when I do, I’ll be sure to write a part two.
I hope that this inspires you to embrace your ‘flaws’ the things you don’t like about yourself. I hope it inspires you to see them, know them, and then to embrace and accept them.
I know that grades aren’t everything, but it’s more about being disappointed in myself and my own goals. I think I am an extremely self-motivated person and so it’s disappointing when factors which aren’t really in my control force me to not achieve my goals.
Because of feedback, I’ve chosen to reframe my experience.
It was never a goal of mine to make friends, and yet plenty of wonderful friends I made and friendships I’ve created. I’ve not only made friends for myself, but also created a circle of friends for others, I’ve gotten them together every month at least and fostered relationships for others.
I began to have the time to pursue my own passion, which was book reviewing.
I was able to grow as a human being and spend time here with my partner. Which I guess was the original goal anyways, things just got in the way and other goals popped up.
So taking these newer, more personal goals to heart, I achieved everything I could have ever wanted and more. Grades are just a number and it’s not only a reflection on me, but also the environment and the school. I am more than a student and the qualities that are good about me is not only my ability to have a certain grade. There’s kindness, friendship, caring, and generosity.
If I stand on principle and never reframe my point of view, I am the only one who gets hurt and who feels wronged.