I recently watched a youtube video that spoke about what ‘having it all’ meant, how reasonable/delusional it was, and how different it was for everyone. This really made me think a lot and I thought I would put down my thoughts.
What does it mean to have it all? Before this, I would have said that, to me, having it all was to have a fulfilling life with a loving and compassionate partner, having a child/children, a career that makes me feel happy and that I am doing something.
What does it mean now? I am not sure now what ‘having it all’ means. I definitely fell into the category where I thought I would have it all, or that was my goal. But now I feel so differently. I wonder what it means to me now to have it all, or what my ‘life goal’ is?
I definitely think there are things in feminism that ignore the different dimensions of race and what not. So that was a first moment where I thought, wow I never even thought of how that mindset was so entitled. For just me to pick a career that fulfills me that I CHOOSE is a huge deal. It’s not the same for everyone and this belief makes me entitled. As a millennial too, I think this idea that we can just have everything if we go for it, is huge. I think that we are brought up with the idea that we can have those things. It is a huge privilege, like she says, not something we are entitled to.
I do agree that the desire to have it all, can set you up for disappointment, because there are a lot of material things people could choose (house, car, etc). It’s hard when you set up expectations, and especially huge expectations like those. It reminds me of something I am going to talk about in the next blog post that relates to the book Committed.
But also, what ideas of ‘having it all’ is so gendered? To have a family, but what does that mean? These ideas of what ‘having it all’ mean are incredibly society oriented or normalized. How many people would say a family, career, and a house? And if that’s true, how many people actually ‘have it all’ or get it?
I agree that this mindset makes us believe we are entitled to something, to that lifestyle, and that would be what would make us happy. It sets up huge expectations for ourselves and our goals and is, to a degree, limiting. Who knows what would happen in our life?
Can we adopt a lifestyle or a life mantra where we already have it all?
If my goal is to be happy, and that would be all, how would that happen? I have days where they are perfect and other days not, to be constantly happy would not be my goal. I need days of sadness, different modes, and off time. I need to be able to be cranky. I don’t want to be constantly sunny rainbows.
So what does having it all mean to me? What would my goal be in that respect?
I want to live my life unapologetically and with the mindset that I want to take the opportunities I have/make and know I am following my heart to its fullest extent (to refrain from the tendency to look backwards, and move forwards with a caring and forgiving heart).