I am posting this German Update.
As of now I speak at least once (on average) a day in German. This usually involves me describing my book in German, since I read a lot and naturally would want to discuss it in English. I also am subscribed to a German magazine which I read, look up words, and then make flashcards of the words that are the most useful to me. I like this magazine because the articles are current and it is organized, and coded, according to difficulty. Sometimes there are also exercises and there is a site that goes with it which provides more articles and other things designed to make the magazine better. I am also working through my various Grammar books and doing exercises in Grammar. Mostly because, for some reason, German grammar is that sore spot. Not because I am bad at it, although it is not my forte, but because I am fascinated (not totally in a good way with it). It gets under my skin and I long to sit it in an interrogation room and shake it. Also to yell, Why? at it. As of now, there has been little progress on using actual German textbooks. Hopefully when I am done with the German exercises, I can incorporate the textbooks because they are really well organized by lesson.
I cannot figure out why, it just requires a lot more work and self dedication for the textbooks. Although I think that my day already has a lot of self dedication, so it is more, when I finish the exercises, I will work on those. My goal is always to do some formal German each day in the form of exercises and what not, not only speaking.
As for my relationship with German. I cannot say that has improved, except this new found motivation to do better at German is due to a lot of factors. I could be dishonest and say one day it just clicked and I realized that the key to a happier life is more German. But that is a flat out lie and also not true. My life consists of happy days, but German is not the fix all. It is not that magical pill that will make all my days perfect. I could say then that I have accepted my tenuous and stressed relationship with it, but that is not entirely true. I still feel very upset sometimes and those days are harder to do German. But I can say that, to be completely frank, it stems from a competition. No, someone did not bet me, but a distant friend of mine is learning German and my idea was always that my German was better. But now, I realize to maintain this I must get better as well (even if the lessons are not improving their German and especially if they are). Their motivation is entirely different than mine, but I am un-apologetically admitting where this motivation, a step in the right direction, is coming from.
I also know it is wrong. My motivation should come from within myself, like my motivation for Yoga and reading. Out of a joy and desire to become better and spend time doing things that I like. But that is not true. So I want to be honest with myself. I do not want to lie to myself. I want to start and end the day with honesty. I am one of those people who am booted by competition in this way. I was always trying to be the best student (not of the class, just the best student I could be). People who are studying and learning motivate me to learn. They push me to be better. So perhaps this is the Western capitalist (I have been reading some Marxist things recently) that is pushing me to be better.
Whatever it is, I am moving forwards (like a shark) and trying to not feel like this is a competition. But at the moment I cannot separate the two. And it is not hurting anyone, except making me learn. So is it so bad at the moment? Perhaps in theory, but this is not touching any other real, or any other part of my life.
So I think we are okay for now. And if this little demon pops its head up again, I can deal with it then (with hopefully more German anyways).