Oh My God, Thesis

The title. It hit me one day, before I wrote this and before today. Oh my God. I need to start writing my thesis soon. I had been thinking about it and even reading some background books I read for my last thesis, more skim re-reading because it seemed so distant.

But then today, as I had to register for my thesis, it hit me. I need to write this. Not in a year. Now. I need to put that first sentence down before I write 40-60 more pages. I need to prove to people I have my act together, that I know what I want to say and I need to say it with authority.

I need to convince my readers, I know what is what and to listen to me with a shred of patience. Each word is carefully chosen to assert my authority about my novels, which are a hodge podge sometimes and I never, at these moments, think it will come together. My novels of differing class, or differing protagonists, with widely different issues.

I look at this monstrous pile of books, my novels, these notes, and I think, how can I accomplish this?

The uncertainty, and the fact that all these ideas, all my research, I need to put down onto paper. I need people to believe me, or not and tear me apart.

I know it will get done, but as I begin to walk down this really dark and windy path, I have fear how. Each step seems perilous and uncertain. The first step is the hardest I think. Like the wire walker (from the film, The Walk) it is about confronting the void. There is nothing, just a cursor that blinks at you with a (and is this just me) condescending tempo. You stand at the precipice and you say, I see you. I see you and I can triumph over you.

The first sentence begins.