I was watching a youtube video where Hank Green shared his experiences with monogamy. A piece of advice he offered on monogamy is to fight back against the tendency to assume you know what the other person thinks (especially the longer you’ve been in a relationship). The more time you spend with someone, the more you know their routines and opinions. But people can continue to surprise you and we shouldn’t assume we know what they feel.
This really resonated with me because I feel a lot that I make this mistake and assume that the other person feels a certain way. At the same time, I feel like this mistake is made towards me as well. Which is the problem. But it also means that two people can come together to find a solution. A shouting match of “I know you…” “You don’t know how I feel” is not productive. I am a big fan of spending some not speaking about something, in order to collect thoughts and figure out exactly what I feel. So this solution feels the best for me. I enjoy taking a little time between to sort out my feelings.
The importance is to be self aware of our selves and what we’re doing. It’s similar to how I felt about my anger checklist. I can have the tendency to initially blame other people (in a period that last for a small window). So becoming more self aware is a good idea for me I think. How to become self aware? I think that the key, for me, is to take a step back. I need a moment to reflect. What’s more important is that the moment I step back is one of inaction and pondering.
So strategy for the future? Check.