I recently read an article that resonated with me because it seemed to describe me to a T.
These are my reactions to this article.
- I am a high strung, kind of intense, a bit scary, and impatient person. I do have flaws, I know of them (some of them) and they are big and make me a very sweet person who can instantly turn into a raging monster.
- I have always thought, yes I am being efficient,not impatient. It’s something I’ve thought since I was a child. But it’s not only that. Patience is also about respect, not just time and efficiency. Does that sound older and wiser to you? I hope so because to me it sounds like a monumental break through. Patience is about respecting someone’s opinions, flaws, limitations. It’s about letting that person speak, even if they speak slowly. It’s about respecting their flaws in that they have five thousand pockets in their bag and can’t find the one thing they have to give to you. It’s also about being in the now. This is the moment, there is no other, expecting the next does not actually make it go any faster (although time travel is a thing, right?).
- I really do hate being late. When I am alone I am always early. In fact for class I am usually 30 minutes early. I like it, I can be there, sit on the floor, relax, and read a book. Being early makes me happy. It also makes me only marginally late when I get stuck on a train and they won’t let us leave the train for half and hour and I am still only five minutes late. Earliness is good and it wins. But when I am with others, I cannot always be early, or on time. It bothers me, but it’s inevitable. I can’t make everyone move, or make them be on time (although I wish I could sometimes). And I need to accept it.
- I do live by to do lists. My life is to do lists. I have to do lists for every day, for books I want to read, for blog posts I want to write. Lists. My life is a list. This is a list. Meta list within a list.
- I am very goal oriented. I like goals. That’s why I have lists, because they are a list of goals I want to achieve. I want to have achieve a blog post every M, W, F and to achieve that goal I need a list. To me, these things are one in the same.
- It is very hard for me to relax. I am a very anxious person, and there are always thoughts in my head. I carry around a little notebook so I can write down the fragments that pop up. But there are moments when I can relax: right after I finished a goal, when I read at night time, when I’m early to places, sometimes when I do the dishes, with friends wine and food.
- I get stressed out like it’s nobody’s business. My life is a series of stress and anxiety sometimes. I have anxious habits out the wazoo.
- I am emotional when my goals don’t get met, when I don’t know what I’m going to eat, or when the laundry will get done (I am a miserable person to live with when this happens because I oscillate between tears and anger and passive aggressiveness) but I also, when the system works, means that the house is tidy (in my own chaotic way). So I’m not all bad I suppose. I want things to work out the way I planned it, when it doesn’t, I get upset. I’m not one of those chill, move with the flow type of person. My partner is, and it’s a beautiful thing to see, but sometimes I wonder if my neuroticism is wearing off and corrupting that. Partner person, don’t ever change that about you. So I’m trying to be a slightly zen type of neurotic person.
- I constantly ruminate over things, what to do, to make to do lists in my head. There are always thoughts, thoughts of what to do next, what I’m not doing. etc.
- I can be very competitive and a very sore loser. It is the way that is.
- Other notes: I really like and need my sleep. I become a very angry mountain wild feral bear when I am sleepy.
The End.