Having a bit of me time is a good thing. It gives you a chance to spend time with yourself, relax, be yourself with no one else around. It is a great thing.
I feel that I have gotten a bit of me time, a lot actually now. I don’t know, I don’t usually mind being on my own really. I enjoy reading, I enjoy listening to music, playing, doing yoga. I don’t know if just my current mood is affecting the time I spend together or what.
I think a lot of this has to do with my intentions. This is an incredibly hard topic for me to talk about. One, because I haven’t sorted it out completely in my own head and two, because it is always so much in flex. How you feel one moment can completely be different in the next. It can bounce from polar opposites. I am always hesitant to speak about things until they are settled and I know more about them, and, more so, more about the person I am when I have them. Am I vindictive? Am I spiteful? Am I a fool? Etc. But the more I think, the more I want to share, the more time I spend just in my own head, makes me realize that this is the moment to share.
There will never be a moment that I am completely sure of what I feel and who I am. That doesn’t make me a bad person, that doesn’t mean I don’t have my stuff sorted out, it makes me a person. Because who knows completely how they feel about something one moment and who they are in that moment with absolute certainty? The essence of life is change.
It’s incredibly hard for me to understand, and extremely hard to let go. When you feel this way you do a lot of listening, a lot of thinking, and a lot of time sitting alone with your own thoughts. I used to think, I am too busy to think about them, I have too much going on. And that’s not healthy either.
So while my alone time is lovey to do this, and this blog is lovely to write out some of this, my thoughts on paper, it is having an effect on me. When I feel sad or something is bothering me it is extremely hard, without deadlines and projects to work on, to work on German and to stay motivated.
And I realize that this blog post now has nothing to do with the title or my original intention. I guess that’s perfect because it is entitled intentions. And like my post describes, everything changes, even my own intentions.