As I was talking to my mom last night, I had a weird revelation.
I feel isolated and somewhat sad here recently.
I feel a multitude of feelings regarding that sentence, so much feels. So how do I feel? I feel a bit guilty, sad, lonely, and a bit stagnant. I know I’m just in the bottom of a rut now, but it still is the bottom (or maybe just the descent? although I hope not) blues. I feel as if I don’t know a lot of people here well, certainly not comparable to my friends from home (but that’s to be expected), I feel as if I can’t really go around confidently (perhaps a catch 22 cycle about how I feel and my skills in German) which is just contributing to me feeling really down and not willing to talk. Although I did get dressed, made up, and went around downstairs, and a bit outside. Progress is slow isn’t it?
I know awareness of this is supposed to make me change and motivate me to action and movement, but I also appreciate that everything is a journey and I don’t think I’m ready to do that yet.
I know that it will change, and like most things, this is a process, denial, depression, acceptance, change, etc. I know I will move forwards with it, just for today I would like to just be a bit, and not work on changing or progressing, just be how I feel.