I think I’ve finally made up my mind about not pursuing a phd when I graduate. I had in my gut this knowledge, but some events leading up till now proved me right.
I don’t really have it in me to just read and critique other’s work for academia. I don’t relish the idea of going to school for those years now and I don’t really want to be a professor in the capacity it is now.
Maybe in the future when I am more established and at peace, then I will think again about it. But for now, I am content that it won’t be my path. I want to begin thinking about careers and focusing on that work. While I enjoy school and classes, it’s not enough to motivate that.
This decision doesn’t really make things better, since the future is still so uncertain and up in the air, but the deadline for when I needed to start thinking about it is approaching. Soon the thesis will be over and I can fully focus on wedding stuff and the future.