So I’ve stopped engaging in this hobby (to be clear, the consumerism end of it) more lately. I still put on my makeup when I go out and watch videos about how to be better at it. Why wouldn’t I? If I’m going to have it, which I do, might as well put it on as well as I can so I don’t look like a tragic clown. So I see no reason to cease the tutorials in order to develop my skills and use what I have the best I can.
The consumerism aspect I have greatly cut down for a few reasons. I have reached the limit of things I want and have found a variety of things that make me happy that I use. I have done lots of experimenting, but that phase is closing, having found things I really enjoy. I am happy with the collection and things I have.
Yet on another level, I have realized it has become more acceptable for me to decrease my consumerist tendencies in this area. It is a source of positive encouragement and reinforcement. It is the more acceptable route of living, continuing down the road is frowned upon maybe even shamed (by certain partners). So stopping cannot be devoid from an ‘acceptability’ desire as well. It has been a source of contention and it seems beneficial to cut down on that by buying less.
At the end of the day, I want to accepted for who I am. Not because it is acceptable. Not because it is the way that I am seen. I am a dynamic individual, someone capable of change. I am who I am. Exactly who I am in that moment, always subject to change.
I feel like the decrease in consumerism is largely fueled by myself, the desire for less, but I cannot deny that small voice in my head saying, but what about that other part? And maybe my little subconscious minion has a point. Which is where this post even comes from. I’m glad I am noticing it now though, and not years down the road. I think we often change for the ones we love. And that is okay as long as we know it and are okay with that new change.
I am okay with the change in order to find contentment and happiness with what I have (because in general that is a good motto to have), but I want to change for the right reasons, for the gut intuition, and the little voices in my heart and soul. For the happiness, the contentment I feel, not for the pressure or acceptability factor. The only question in the future is can I own it for myself? Can I get rid of that subconscious bugger? And the answer is maybe not. Because all said and done, I can’t go back. It is hard to divorce feelings and subconscious feelings (that’s pretty much why they are subconscious right?) I am okay with that, mostly because it is a fact I have accepted.
So now you are even more thinking what do you do? I move forward, knowing more than I did yesterday about myself and my life. I keep changing and make sure that every new step I take, I take for myself.