The mantra for day 7 was I am capable. That day I felt totally less than capable. I was having a lot of trouble with the practice. My mind was all over the place and my form was less than perfect. My balance was off too. It was terrible, but I made it through and tried my best. So the mantra of I am capable felt like a weird joke to me. But I guess my perseverance proved that I am capable. I did it. During the practice as I chanted ‘I am capable’ I felt like I was not. But I suppose getting through it, in the end, proved that I was.
The mantra for day 8 was I choose. I choose to be on the mat today. I choose to focus on the practice. I choose to find space within myself to accept the practice. I choose to let go of my mind. She said today to meet our body intelligence with our mind intelligence. I choose is such a loaded term. I tend to see my life as ‘I need’. I need to do, I need to say. But instead today’s practice has taught me to start trying to think about my life and my actions in terms of choices. I choose to do this. It’s hard to change one’s mindset from I need to do this to I choose to. And to be honest, I don’t think I’m there yet. For some things I definitely have changed my mindset in a similar way to that, but for others, I haven’t. I still need to do the dishes. It doesn’t seem like a choice. While starting to begin to say I choose, seems like making them a choice, and a choice you can accept with an open heart without resentment, to change my language would betray my true feelings. I don’t feel like they’re a choice. But perhaps the key is to begin to say it like that, I choose, and let the feelings follow? To make a model by doing? I’m not sure yet. While I agree adopting that idea seems healthier, it also seems unrealistic at this point. But perhaps I am holding on to too much stress, resentment, or upsetness. I certainly don’t want to make the switch and be a passive aggressive chooser. So it’s definitely something I want to think about, and figure out if there’s a way I can feel good about working it into my life.
Over a week daily of yoga is over, and I gotta say I really look forward to doing yoga.