So many times, I’ve heard this saying. Sometimes it happens near the end of a meal, when I’m desperately trying to share the remainder of food left on the table. I hate throwing away food, and it always tastes better without being reheated – except for Chilli, that only gets better.
When I hear the saying much more frequently, is when someone is upset. You might as well have said “I’m fine”. The words are “I’m not hungry”, but I immediately know better. You are hungry, you’ve starved yourself all morning, you are just upset and really want to resolve conflict, but right now you aren’t willing to take another step in my direction, so it’s me that has to work on it. Okay so maybe I am usually right about you being hungry, even when you say you aren’t, but more importantly, why is it, that I don’t accept what you tell me? Why do I immediately think that your emotions are inhibiting you from making rational decisions? Why do I think that it’s typical for women to do this?
Well, I guess I associate it with the many times, that it looked like my assumptions were correct. So many times that women were told to calm down in my presence, by me, or someone else. Arguing is much quicker when you ignore the emotional part. Nothing comes out of screaming and exaggerating… or does it? Maybe you screaming that I shouldn’t assume things about you is right. Maybe I’m making the situation so much worse, by not believing you. When you say something and I decide you meant something else, doesn’t that force you to exaggerate what you were saying? Am I not the reason you can’t tell me what you mean? Maybe if I listened to what you are saying, instead of deciding what you meant, I wouldn’t consider you ‘emotional’ or ‘upset’ or ‘complaining’ – like it’s something you aren’t entitled to do.
You have every right to be talked to and with. Especially when you are upset, you don’t deserve to get asked to rephrase your objections, so that they are easier to digest. Easier to dilute with pointless arguments. Easier to ignore.