Do I equate gifts and possessions with love? Tricky answer. I think we are taught to do that. That’s what everything around us says to us, if someone loves you they will get you what you want, and what you don’t need. You can show someone you care by giving them a present, buying them flowers, surprising them with dinner.
Have I placed too much emphasis on gifts? With some, not others. With my family? Not as much, I’m older now, I realize I don’t need lots of presents. In fact I like them better spread out. I have matured and I don’t place as much emphasis on them.
But in romantic relationships I think the tendency for gifts as an expression of love is even more pronounced and explicit. And I have struggled with it. I have never gotten a ton of gifts, and certainly not in my first relationship. But my first had tons of things wrong with it and was extremely unhealthy. That being said, I thought things might change in my second.
I thought surprise gifts, flowers, etc would occur sort of sporadically. And as symbols of their love to me. Love can be expressed in gifts is what my mind told me. But it’s not that simple and I don’t think it’s meant to be. While I still love gifts (I do, so why lie??) I place more emphasis on little things.
Like if I’m upset, bringing me back a donut, or writing me a note when they get up first. Little surprises. A cup of cocoa made for me. Little gestures of love by actions. They show me that they care. While they are a bit rare, I appreciate them (and a small influx in them would still be appreciated).
But I can’t deny the allure of material gifts too. While there’s nothing wrong with that, I still think in the right context it can be a wonderful treat. I am not saying gifts as a sign of love are bad, I am ONLY talking about a specific context!!
I need to fight against my gut reaction. So I’m trying.
A gift won’t revitalize my life, and it won’t symbolize love. But a hug will.