I am tired of trying to think of nice and cute ways to say what I mean. I am sick of thinking about cute non-obtrusive ways to say what I mean when I’m talking/debating with my male peers. I am fed up with trying to say what I mean in the most polite, objective, logical, and even toned.
As Jennifer Lawrence says: “I’m over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to state my opinion and still be likable! Fuck that. I don’t think I’ve ever worked for a man in charge who spent time contemplating what angle he should use to have his voice heard. It’s just heard.” (Source).
This was demonstrated in my life when one of my friends was upset about something and talking about it at dinner, when one of my male friends told her to calm down because she was ‘yelling’ and that he doesn’t take what people are saying seriously when they act like that. And I just was shocked. I thought, are you for real? She was not yelling by any stretch of imagination. But it’s also something that was just so stereotypical: women who are too emotional when arguing. Both of us were so upset by this statement. Should she have said, “I am sorry that my enthusiasm upsets you, do you want some earplugs?”
No. In fact to contribute to the conversation, I had to think for about a half an hour of a ‘likeable and correct’ way to say what I wanted to say, which was, in a nutshell, this is bullshit. But I can’t say things like that. I can’t be visibly upset because that is instantly perceived as ’emotional’.
Whereas no one told the men to be calmer. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that said to a man, whereas I have heard that said to women a lot. Even to me personally (which I took care of straight away because there’s no way I am dealing with that).
It’s not just being ‘too emotional’ it’s the heart of the issue, where I automatically think how to say what I want to say for the audience. Whereas I know many of my male friends who would not say this happens for them at all. Because they don’t have to worry so much about what they say, or how it’s said to be heard. They are heard.
I am not directing this at any one person (because here I am already doing proactive damage control). This is just my personal experience so far. I would even say, before you read this and get ’emotional’ and attack, like I have so many times when I tell my own opinion, take a moment and think about it.
If you are trying to say something contrary to someone do you think a moment about how to say it? How to fire someone? How to make yourselves heard? How to phrase and deliver what you are said? Do you ever worry about how you will be perceived, if you’re seen as too ’emotional’?
Because I, of course, am open to suggestions and opinions (as long as they’re even tempered and logically phrased, because anything that isn’t doesn’t seem like it should be considered valid, no?). No? Maybe sarcasm doesn’t come off so well on the internet.
But seriously I would like to hear other people’s opinions. Maybe this is a generational thing? Or maybe I attract people like this? I am interested.