Whenever I’m left to sleep here alone in the apartment, my night fears come to play. Usually I can manage it because in my apartment I normally feel safe and secure. It’s a like a big comforting blanket holding me close and suffocating all my fears. But when I’m here alone, there’s no blanket and I’m exposed.
I am naturally a very fearful person, I don’t like walking alone in a stair well to get the laundry, or home at night from the train station. It doesn’t help that certain experiences have primed me to feel more fear than probably necessary, or that society creates some of these fears. It also doesn’t help that the things I enjoy to watch, that fascinate me, play into these fears. I don’t watch horror films, or what not, but I do enjoy watching things that have to do with the supernatural, and this doesn’t help when the blanket is off, and I’m exposed.
So what am I even afraid of? Am I afraid of seeing ghosts? Nope. I’m afraid someone will break in through the balcony, or the front door, or that they’ve been waiting in my apartment all day only to pounce at night when I’m sleeping. They might seem totally crazy, and to some extent as I fall asleep I know they are, but they have kept me up until 2 or 3 in the morning. Because isn’t the thing about fears? No matter how absurd they seem, there’s something you just can’t shake about them. Is it because on the off chance they happen, and they are that absurd, that it would be that crazy? Because if they happen, it will be the anomaly and that is also pretty terrifying.
Maybe I am just an anxious prone person, to some degree I think I might be, but these night terrors that are unleashed as soon as the sun goes down don’t help at all.