Yesterday I concluded my two week German program at the Institute. It was a learning experience in many ways. For the bare facts, it was every weekday for two weeks from 8:30-12:45. It’s not the worst I’ve done, I did an intensive course at school two summers ago which was three levels of German in maybe four months of a similar regimen. The pace was slower than I expected, but to each their own. I thought we spent some time on things that were quite easy, but that’s always the challenge with courses like this where the levels of the participants vary greatly. The teachers were so nice. I am usually not a very harsh judge of character though, especially of teachers. They have to be really rubbish for me to really dislike them. My two, I’ll get to that, were quite sweet and accommodating. So I’ll dive in with my concerns and reactions.
Placement Test: I thought the placement test was a bit rubbish. Just a bit I said. I felt that it placed a large emphasis on vocabulary learning. In Vienna I was at level B2, and I still feel that grammatically and theoretically I actually am at that level, due to my knowledge in the B1 course. I am aware that vocabulary is a huge part of language learning, and it’s quite important. But I also felt it was a mixed bag. You either know it or you don’t, and if you don’t, then you get placed lower, like I did. I think, in that aspect, any test that will test you straight off the gate on vocabulary like that is, if not a bit unfair, a chance game. Especially since my texts were about the production of jeans, and one question mentioned the use of telegraphs and the word for the telegraph counter (which even after consulting one who might know, was unsure still). In that sense, I think unfair might be the correct word to use. I used to be much more upset, but it’s cooled off. I initially, based on placement test alone was in level A2.
What Not to Know: One of the things that both amused me, taught me, and a bit frustrated me, was the concept they kept referring to. There are important things to know and not so important ones. My teachers would say that there are essentials, present, perfect, etc and those that didn’t fall into, were not really worth mentioning. I know it’s an intensive course so time cuts must be made. It amused me because the constructions are difficult and I can understand why people would be hesitant to use them, the praeteritum of verbs, past subjunctive models, passive, past passive, the second future test, etc. And language evolves anyway, and, it seems to me, that these might be going out of fashion. So it amused me, because it’s true. It also taught me that they’re mostly right. You need a certain level to get around and why waste time memorizing these constructions if you don’t need to use them? I barely use past passive…or passive really in daily speech. And, as they said, there are tons of ways to get around them. It also frustrated me a bit though, because it seems to me it shuts off a door to a potential place of knowledge. I would like to know, grammatically, what is correct, even if it’s harder and complex. I would like to categorize myself as curious and I do enjoy seeing the complexity, even if it frustrates me sometimes.
Oh, towards the end of the week I was moved up into level B1 of the course after submitting a small text about how I learn best. At the time this was my best course of action because being in the A2 level wasn’t challenging enough at all. So I had endeavored to seek work that would both challenge me and take advantage of my resources. Based on my skill, and maybe what I said, I was moved up on Thursday. Which brings me, beautifully, to my next point.
Self-Reservations: I know I have a problem asking directly for what I want. I have a hard time voicing what I need and want. It might be partly because of fear for saying no, fear I won’t get it, and wanting to be self sufficient. I haven’t really decided yet, and if I do, it certainly warrants another post. But I felt really upset and frustrated at being in such a low level, but I was unable to ask to be moved up. I would get there and in front of her and then balk. I would ask myself, in a horrible moment of self doubt, why do you deserve this?(As I edit this, isn’t that the crux of every moment of self doubt? What makes you deserve this?) If you can’t say it, can’t justify to yourself, why should you be moved up? I felt that other people didn’t feel I was ready to move up or should be moved up, but, as one wise person pointed out to me lovingly, I was, again and probably always, my own worst enemy. I didn’t truly believe I was worthy or deserving of it. I felt I was really quite horrible and that perhaps that one test told me something I couldn’t admit to myself.
So I guess you might ask, now what? Well this experience has showed me that I think my skill is more than I feel, based on my knowledge with my peers in B1. I think it proves, as situations like this always do, that I need to figure out my own self so that I feel worthy enough to ask people what I want, what I need. It’s so hard for me, but it’s obviously important. I think being here might be a good first step for me to start.
As for “Now what?” in regards to German, I bought the next levels of the textbook series that I really enjoyed and plan, starting not today, to begin with them on my own. I know a lot of grammatical concepts, some may find useless, but now I need to work on listening and vocabulary and speaking…just not today. I have been sick this week, but also my mind is a bit tired and it needs a couple days of pure relaxation and let down.