Today is my birthday and I’m pretty excited about it. I’m one of those people who love their birthday. It’s a really nice day and I really like it…for obvious reasons.
I have been thinking a lot about my birth mother this month, last year, and today. Clearly I have one, since I am here, and I’ve been thinking about her. For a while I felt really sad about it because I felt I was very much abandoned. And that is true, I was, but it’s much more complicated than that.
During my birth, keeping me as a baby, would have been very difficult and I know that. It would have been very difficult and risky to keep me, but she did it for five months, enough to ensure I was okay and then made sure to put me somewhere I would be found and taken care of.
When I was younger, that didn’t really feel like much, it just felt like despite that, I was left. But now that I’m older, I’ve gotten a lot of perspective on it. It would have been incredibly difficult and dangerous, but she did. I was loved and perhaps she loved me even more for giving me up and trying to give me a better life than she could offer.
So I’ve gained a lot of perspective. I feel good for having this new perspective. It makes me feel more adult. I will always have issues having to due with my childhood, but I think I’m on a good path towards dealing with them now. I can’t promise I won’t ever revert back or feel that way again (that would be unrealistic) but I can move forwards. New year, new perspective!