Author: Liljumper

Recently I have taken to waking myself up from sleeping. My sleep talking has been waking me up from sleep and I always wake up so confused from these episodes.

Also when I was home alone last week it happened three or four times. It was disconcerting to wake up from a dream with real talking and thinking someone else was with me, but no one was there.

I am not sure if it is related to stress or anxiety, but I sleep talk so much now.

If you have any ideas, let me know below.

I have been trying to meditate more and do yoga to calm down, but I think that it is not enough.

Maybe that’s just what I do now, sleep talk a lot.

I interrupt your normal three times a week posting to say Merry Christmas to everyone! Even if you don’t celebrate, but also there’s more. I looked it up and today is also in the midst of Hanukkah so also Happy Hanukkah.

I love all my festive friends and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. I also wanted to take the time to tell you that I appreciate all you who read my blog. It means a lot to me to publish this journal of sorts into the world and have it so well received by you all. It really means a lot to me 🙂

Thank YOU for making the blog what it is today!

My current work schedule is a bit better, will describe below, but still a lot. I come home around 5:30-6 and then I begin immediately my blog(s) work until dinner then afterwards. I work for around 2 hours each night on my blog either cruising and engaging on social media, writing posts, reading, and doing research into how to do it better. Recently I have dived into a bit of paid advertisement for it as well to better promote my content and strategic times.

Recently something I did was that once I hit my goal/landmark I stop reading. I can still read if I want after, but I don’t force myself to spend all my free time, what little bit I have left, to do reading. I let it come more naturally. Plus I read the amount I need on the commute (20% of my book at least). So then any reading I do at night is for fun.

The work is fulfilling and I enjoy doing it. I am surrounded by creativity, I get to be creative when I take my photos and I get to read and write. So If I could do that only, that would be dreamlike. But I also have a job.

I am, baby step wise, getting better, but slowly, very very slowly!

I used to guard my name so fiercely. I would bristle if people spelled it wrong or called me the wrong name. It felt uniquely mine. The wrong spelling or usage felt like an affront, a silent injustice. Who were they to mistake me? To erase my name, the very essence of me?

Now I know my name is not as unique as that. I do not get upset when people spell it wrong, I laugh, bristle a little still, and brush it off. I have given up the sole ownership because I realize others also claim that name, even the same spelling.

I have evolved to be more holistic and see things as shades or grey instead of black and white. If people make the mistake, I no longer write them on my list. It still makes me sad when people I have known for a long time get it wrong, but for newcomers, the door is cracked open now.

No longer hostile, or as much as before, I take this as a small sign of my growing quest to be more patient and more forgiving.

I have been keeping a gratitude journal on and off for about two months now. I began in November, fell off the wagon a bit, and am now back on! I write one thing I am grateful for each day. It doesn’t have to be a lot, it can be repetitive, it just needs to take a moment. Putting into perspective the things I am grateful for each day, has helped me now sweat the small stuff. I think, at the end of each day, or the morning of the next, what I enjoyed the most.

Then I can reflect on what was the most frequent or what is missing afterwards. Lately, I have been feeling a little conflicted about putting myself in. It felt a little weird to put myself, so instead I wrote things like my strength or my determination. Things that wouldn’t be so blatantly me related, but still gratitude-esque.

However, I want to put me down. I want to feel unapologetic about writing down myself because I want to celebrate the days in which I am grateful I am who I am. The days I am grateful that I have my own back, or that I love myself. To be able to recognize that some days, the best gift I have is myself.

So I am taking my gratitude back and giving it to who matters most, myself. It needs to benefit my own state of being, my mindset. So why not?

I have decided to start doing these memory roundups at the end of each month. I have begun writing one thing I am grateful for each day and keeping it in my bullet journal/planner and so this has really encouraged me to reflect on my memories each day.

So I will pick a favorite memory of November, which is late. I only thought of this recently, but felt I should write something for November.

I think I will pick the moment of when I went to the networking event and got my job offer. I pick this moment for a variety of reasons. Firstly, I dared to be brave and go somewhere really new and go out of my comfort zone (I was really nervous and unsure about it). I tried really hard to make new friends and be more outgoing than I would normally. So this was a very new experience for me. Additionally, I went alone, which I normally don’t do things alone. So I was without a comfort or security blanket which made me not want to do it, but is why I think it is so significant that I did it. And, lo and behold, the opportunity for my current job fell into my lap! So almost a little mini sign from the universe that I was rewarded for doing something totally scary and new and then I embarked on something else more scary and new – this job.

So for a quick moment run down this month, in terms of smiley faces:

the election 🙁

loft party networking 🙂

begin my job 🙂

thanksgiving dinner, three days worth 🙂

So overall, I did pretty well huh?

This is sort of something I want to continue, to make a mark of good day or bad day in the future and then look back on to the month/year and see how it went.

Anyway, what was your most memorable moment this month?

1. I am usually the first one there. I don’t like to just sit at home once I am ready, so I just leave and get there early. I don’t like to make noise at home, so at least I can make a little more noise at work.
2. Social media can be overlooked, but it is actually really important. It shows that you’re real, engaged with a community, and dedicated.
3. I enjoy having my own cup at work, then I don’t have to wash it and I just take it home at the end of the day. Plus my thermos cup keeps my tea hotter for longer.
4. I always overestimate how long it will take me to get places, which is how I became almost always early.
5. I need to work less when I am home so I am sane. Although I do enjoy work and the work I do at home, it still needs to be less.

I have recently acquired, what they call here, a minijob. It basically means I work the hours of a real job and am paid like an intern. It is a learning by doing experience. I’m only done with the first week at my job so far, so I have not a huge bit of knowledge or experience.

But I am able to take on my own tasks and ask for new ones. I have now become sort of in charge of our social media presence. It is a very small company, under 5, so the spot was vacant.

I am pretty happy that this opportunity kind of just showed up all of a sudden and dropped into my lap. At the same time this week was really hard to balance, work wise, because I had a lot of work I still needed to do for my blog(s).

Which require a lot of time and, at the moment, a huge time investment to be more successful (I hope).

I am confident next week I will have a better idea of the amount of work I can do and I am looking forward to it!

Hello. I may, am, a workaholic. I make to do lists when I have nothing to do, when I’m unemployed, when I’m bored, on the weekend. I don’t know what to do without them because I get a sense of progress and self worth when I have them.

I do not function without work.

I am very strict with myself and cannot enjoy myself till my work is done. I always prided myself on my work ethic, but now I think it’s unhealthy to be so focused on the lists, the goals, the work.

I have been inspired to find balance. Because I want to be more relaxed, I want to be able to step away from my to do lists and my boxes.

So for now on, from today forwards, I am going to eliminate 1/4 of the tasks on my to do list (as long as they aren’t urgent). To force myself to create more space, more free time, and to not be motivated from dawn to night on a to do list and tasks I have to accomplish. To have the impulse to walk outside or to go downstairs without feeling guilty about the work I need/want/have chosen to do.

We shall see how that fares. I’ll let you know.

I think it is okay sometimes to realize that your dreams have changed

Opportunities come up you never dreamed and relationships form and it can be scary to let go of your dream

It can feel a little like betrayal, but it’s healthy and should be encouraged!

Our dreams change all the time, just look at what you wanted to be when you were a child

We need to be able to let our dreams grow and adapt and know when it is the right time to walk away from them

To let them go and find a new dream