Month: July 2016

There has been just so much world chaos. I try to check into the news and what not, but it just feels like things are slipping away. Information overload as news stories are changed and updated every moment and the influx of information. You never would have known about this before, but we’re all plugged in and globalized and everything comes up now. So many more things effect us now, we can’t just be removed or not present. The things that are happening over the world are important to us now. It all just feels a bit overwhelming and distracting as I work. Sometimes it feels like I just need to not know to work, and then sometimes it makes me think there are thousands of things more important than my work.

There is more uncertainty and fluctuation in my own life. I frequently worry about things before bedtime and destressing before bed takes longer and longer. Maybe the outside world turning chaotic, seems to stress me more because it seems my inner world is more chaotic. This thesis holds my life together, gives me something, lots of things, to do each day. So that glues my moments and keeps me moving forwards, but I don’t think anything can fully distract me away from the uncertainty and anxiety for the future both of myself and the world.

Things have changed so much since I was younger it doesn’t even seem like the world is anything like what I used to know. And it’s not. It shouldn’t be. But it just reminds me of how fast change happens, how small moments seem to be, until they’re not. I try not to think about the things that bother me too much because it just distracts me for days. So I have to keep focused and in the moment, even when every next moment brings me further towards things I dare not dwell upon.

I can’t believe it’s July fourth again, it feels like just last year it was July Fourth. The weather has been heating up, although sometimes it’s perfectly lovely. I hope it doesn’t get too much hotter since thesis writing weather is NOT summer.

July 4th brings me back to America and with America all the politics and chaos around the world. I feel removed from my home and look at it almost as if through water. It has a unreal film over it, and sometimes where I am has that too.

Anyways, all of you, I hope you have a very happy and colorful July Fourth. I do miss fireworks a lot, seeing them from afar. I also love when parties are themed, so red white and blue with stars and what not is always a nice color scheme. As for me, the real celebration starts when I finish this thesis, the writing should be done by the end of this month. Hopefully sooner. I did a large draft of editing today and should implement those tomorrow and then next week begin another phase of writing.

So life is moving, feeling a bit slow, but steadily moving onwards.

I never wanted to go to summer camps when I was a kid. Do I now? Not really. The concept of summer camp never really appealed to me, it seemed I could do a lot of the same summer camp activities at home, sleep in my own bed, and eat the same food I like. Summer camp seemed like an escape, which at some points I did want, but I never wanted to go far.

I’ve always been a home body. I enjoy my home, a creature of comfort. Why go these places when I could be here? I know some people who have loved camp and enjoyed it. But it never was something I liked.

I enjoy my own bed. But I guess that my childhood and home never were too bad for me that I wanted to escape that far. Being away from home turned out to be stressful and not relaxing. There’s a difference between a vacation or a holiday and camp.

I have no idea why I never really went to camp. A lot of my close friends in school didn’t as well, so I had people to hang out with during the summer. That might be another reason why, because I didn’t have to spend that time alone.

But also, what would I do at a camp? Is there a sleep away reading camp? The concept of swimming is not appealing to me, I wouldn’t have gone to a sports camp either. What about an outdoor camp? I wouldn’t have either since I don’t really camp.